My Hero, My Self
It seems that everyone is blogging today. Everyone has something to share. The global community is here (at least technically if not morally). Well, I’ll just hop up on that bandwagon and get settled in nice and tight between everyone else. This blog actually began a year ago as a cathartic vehicle to deal with the unexpected loss of someone very dear to me. Now, a year later, the ragged edges of grief are healing with the gentle salve of memories. And so, this blog will move forward, as will I, with a positive and realistic view of the second half of life. With grown children who are rightfully breaking away, it is now time to fashion my own life, one outfit at a time.
I thought I was the only 40-something woman who was struggling with a sense of restlessness. After two decades of raising children, I emerged at the other end of parenthood with no idea who I was. I could easily define myself with respect to my relationship to others. But take the others out of the equation and who was left? Is this a cliche? Maybe, but cliches are often based on truth. And the truth, for me at least, is that at 40-something (I can see 50 from here), I have no idea who I am, what I want, or what really matters to me (the health and happiness of my children notwithstanding).
It is time to embark on a fantastic journey of self-discovery. Given that I’ve been a suburban resident for all of my 40+ years, it won’t take much excitement to shake up my perfectly manicured world. Hell, driving to work using a different route makes my knees tingle. Except that deep down inside, I know there was once an adventurer. Once there was a gypsy soul who wanted to taste, explore, learn, teach, know, experience, hurt, heal, fail, and succeed. I have always felt her presence. It is time - it is past time - to start living for myself rather than for others. I have raised two considerate, decent children whom I am proud to give to the world. I have maintained a successful career in my corporate life. But there is more to life than a “to do” list. Maybe there is something more than this life, but that’s a different post. During this particular kick at the can, you can be damn sure I want to make a dent. Life is a journey - life IS the journey. If you’re not paying attention, life is what happens when you’re making other plans.
I admire those women before me who have braved their own fears and conquered them. And in the end, I want to be my own hero.
